What are we doing with ourselves?

The other day, while walking from my bus stop to work, I passed a woman on the sidewalk who was putting some packaged food into a box. As I approached her she looked up at me. "Sir, would you help me carry this box to the bus stop right over there."

I told her I was late to work and that I didn't have time. That was a lie. In fact I ended being 30 minutes early to work. I just didn't want to, although I knew it would only have taken a minute or two. I don't really know why I didn't help her. She didn't look homeless or threatening in any way. As soon as I walked away from her I regretted not helping her with the box.

What are we doing with our lives? Are we living for ourselves, for others, or both? I realize its a weak cord connecting my experience with the woman to that question, but nevertheless it is a question that we should ask ourselves.

I will answer the question for myself. Right now I am certainly living for myself. I need to find some firm footing in my new adulthood, and that necessitates some self-service. This is necessary for my very basic happiness and to pursue my goals. Now, my goals are anything but self-serving. I would like to raise the consciousness and help empower the people in this country and around the world who are struck down and repressed, as well as the people who, to varying degrees of complicity, enable the myriads of injustice all around us. (This group of people includes just about every living human.)

I would like notoriety, no doubt. But not just to see my name in lights. With notoriety I can better spread a message that benefits almost all of mankind. I am not a self-less instrument of good, but I would like to do more than my part for the betterment of everyone.

I wish that I had helped the woman with her box. And not because of some bull-shit "pay it forward" mentality, which ensures that any altruistic impulses will be on the smallest scale. I should have helped her because it is not entirely her fault that she needed help get through her day. This I know. I want to help other people realize this and to act on their knowledge.