Signs I Am Getting Older

Last summer I went running on the street for the first time in years. After that my left knee was swollen and sometimes in great pain for almost two months. Now it clicks every time I bend it all the way back.

Specific music reminds me of specific times in my life, they way my Dad might feel about Steve Miller or Black Sabbath. For example, music including Modest Mouse "Good News . . ." Cake "Prolonging the Magic" and The Walkmen "Bows & Arrows" all remind me of the spring of 2004 when I lived in Maryland and commuted to school everyday. That music reminds of that very distinctive drive and also the emotions and concerns that were foremost in my mind at that time.

I begin to wonder if there is even a chance that I will ever give up some of my nagging bad habits. Is there a point we reach when we can no longer say that the things we do are symptoms of youth or lack of responsibility, but rather these things are just one aspect of our personality? I think I'm a pretty insensitive person, and I used to think I would grow out of this as I had more diverse relationships and experiences, but that doesn't seem to be the case. That is just one example. I do think there is something to the adage that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but can you break an old dog of bad habits?

I am putting serious thought to where I will be when I am 40. God damn.

I am much more responsible than both of my parents. Although I could have crossed that threshold awhile ago. But then of course, I still live with one of them, so I guess that is a wash at best.

I definitely cannot handle hard liquor like I used to. There were a couple of years in college where I could and did pound the stuff. Now it is pretty much a guaranteed hangover if I have more than one drink of liquor in a night. I had a couple of friends in college who were a few years older who said they were too old to drink liquor. I don't know if I am there yet, but I can see it coming.

This is not another sign of my own aging, but just a related incident that happened to me today. At work I lost my patience with an elderly woman who kept asking me the same question, apparently not realizing that I had answered that question several times. She noticed that I lost my patience with her (most of the geriatrics I deal with on a daily basis do not) and got very indignant.

"If you are lucky enough to live as old as I am you will need people to have patience with you."

I hope I am lucky enough not to live to the age when I need people to cater to my physical and mental infirmities. I hope I am lucky enough to never become an anchor to society and a grizzled clog in the mechanisms by which useful people function. I hope I am lucky and bright enough to keep my mind sharp and adaptable so that I can remain vital as the world revolves throughout my lifetime.